I wish I had known it wouldn’t be so simple

Last updated on August 18th, 2024 at 04:50 pm

Hello Friends, 

Thanks for stopping by for the 30th wedding anniversary series. In this post, I’ll be covering how I wish I had known it wouldn’t be so simple. Marriage is not easy, and I wish I had known this before I walked down the aisle. I hope that by sharing my experience, you will gain a better understanding of the many unknowns that can arise in a marriage. However, if you stick with me for the duration of this countdown, we’ll both learn a lot.

Furthermore, this discussion will be in-depth and well-worth reading. I had no idea how deep our relationship was until I walked down the aisle and said I DO. But there is one thing I am certain of. This post, I hope, will be useful to some, if not all, of you. Please bear with me. Let’s get into it.

I wish I had known it wouldn’t be so simple.

This is the topic of today’s post, and it’s a great one for a variety of reasons. I know we all look at those cute couples out there, and then your favorite couple gets married, and then the kids arrive, right? I know this because it is what we all look at and then desire in our own lives. Is this correct? It’s not that simple

When Mark and I got married 30 years ago, we were that couple. Yup, us. People looked at us and said, “Wow, you guys are so cute together and I know you are going to have some beautiful kids together.” And of course, we were thinking the same thing.

It didn’t happen like that.

What do you mean it didn’t happen that way? No, it didn’t happen like that, guys. I assumed we’d get married and then have those beautiful children everyone was talking about right away. Then there was the first year of marriage. And there are no babies to speak of. However, no one expects to have a child in their first year of marriage, do they? That’s what I thought would happen, but it didn’t.

The first year has been crazy, and no one is thinking about having children at this point. I firmly believe that people who have children in their first year of marriage did not do so on purpose. Anyway, that could just be me.

Wow. The First Year

Have you ever heard that the first year of marriage is one of the hardest years of marriage? That is the right assumption. I must tell you that it was one of the toughest because it was the year, I really got to know my husband. Guys, my husband and I did not live together before we were married, and I would still do it the same way. However, the first year, we had to get to know each other, and it proved to be an adventure. That is the first time I learned it wasn’t going to be so simple.

I wish I had known Getting to know each other wouldn’t be that simple

You’re probably thinking that you should already know each other. Aren’t you married already?. Getting to know Mark has been the best thing that has happened to me. However, going through the first year of marriage together revealed sides of him I had never seen before. You see, I discovered that we were very different in many ways, and while this was good in some ways, it was not so good in others. Because I came from a large family and Mark came from a rather small family, we looked at things so differently. Here are a few things we looked at differently.

• Sharing
• Sleeping
• Money
• Family

I wish I knew sharing wasn’t so simple

When I met Mark, he was the best guy any girl could meet. I mean, this guy would give you the shirt off his back. Oh, he’s still that way. Let’s not get it twisted. However, we have a different way of sharing. I thought because this guy, who I love so much, has given me everything, he would share his comb and brush with me. Yup, guys, that is where Mark drew the line. One day, I couldn’t find my hair comb, so I went to use Marks. He was like, “What are you doing?” I was like, using your comb, and he was like, “You don’t use my comb.” Guys, that was the start of a whole argument, and boy oh boy, I couldn’t believe that this was the same person.

Here is the deal: Mark and I’s lives were so different in this regard, being that I had a house full of siblings who shared just about everything.  I mean, my sister and I were constantly borrowing each other’s clothes.  If we couldn’t find the brush or comb, my family was in the house, like, “Who Saw The Brush or Comb”? Now that wasn’t something Mark and his family did. They had their own comb and brush.

Anyway, now that I think about it, we just grew up in different ways, and it wasn’t all that bad. However, I was furious with him at the time. Which gave the impression that marriage was not as simple as it seemed.

I wish I had known it wouldn’t be so simple to Share

Now, it wasn’t Mark who had a hard time sharing specific items. In no way, shape, or form would I allow anyone else to use my ice cream spoon? Even Mark couldn’t use my ice cream spoon. Using my ice cream spoon was off-limits period. There is no way in hell that I could eat ice cream off of anyone else. After Mark inquired about having some of my ice creams, I told him he could have some, but he had to bring his own spoon. To which he was offended…  So friends it’s not always that simple even when you have nothing but love for your spouse.

Sleeping together

OK, guys, I know what you’re thinking. Sleeping hmmm. I know that for most couples, sleeping together and waking up next to that person is the one thing you can’t wait to do. I get it because those were the things, I couldn’t wait to do either. In fact, before we were married, Mark would say he was going to be my pillow. I couldn’t wait for him to be my pillow. However, there was an issue I never thought we would have, and it was how we slept.

Friends I like to sleep with the radio and TV on, and you guessed it, Mark ain’t for none of that. So, as a result, we argued all night about who was going to get their way on this. When I said I wanted the music on, Mark said no music off. So, he would turn it off and I would turn it back on, and we did that all night. Guess what neither of us got any sleep that night? LOL

When I was single, I couldn’t sleep unless I listened to music, which rocked me to sleep. Back then, the radio was my lalabye, and I swore by it. For Mark to sleep, he needed his peace and quiet.

Sleep is the most basic thing a couple can do

I never imagined that something as simple as sleep could lead to bickering with someone you couldn’t wait to sleep with. I mean, this is the most basic thing a couple could do, isn’t it? He had to know I slept with the radio on while we were dating, right? I’m sure I told him that. I’m curious if he was just sitting back thinking, “That’ll stop when we get married.” Hmm, I’m still puzzled.

Anyway, now that I think about it, I realize what a ridiculous argument that was, but it had to happen. I must tell you that in marriage, you must be willing to compromise on some level. I lost that one, and now Mark has his peace, and I’ve learned to sleep without listening to music or watching TV. But Mark is still my living pillow. Win, win, win.

Money: I wish I had known it wouldn’t be so simple

The big M has arrived.

They say that money is the root of all evil, and I believe they may be correct. Remember that money and marriage are big issues that you should probably discuss before getting married. Mark and I both knew we couldn’t marry unless he had a full-time job at the time. We were simple. When we were dating, we didn’t want much; all we wanted was to be together. Who needs Money Anyways? Guys, I wish I’d known it wouldn’t be so easy. While money was not everything to us, we knew that once we were married, we would want more. When you get married and get used to being married, you realize that your apartment is simply too small. As a result, you’re looking for more money. So, I’ll say you need more money to possibly buy a house or move into a larger apartment.

Using the same bank accounts

Sharing bank accounts can be extremely beneficial. I’m not sure when we decided to switch our accounts to a joint one, but we did. Marks’ money became mine, and mine became his. To put it another way, my money is his money, and his money is my money. Money is one of the most contentious issues that arise during a marriage. In any case, you must be willing to be open and honest in your marriage. Because, if you’re anything like me, you go on shopping sprees. I can shop with the best of them, guys. I really need to hide some of my belongings in the trunk of the car, so Mark doesn’t see them. That’s not very transparent, is it?

Another thing to consider when it comes to money is who will be responsible for paying the bills. Are you going to oversee paying the bills, or will your spouse? Mark oversees it most of the time in my house.

Guys, dealing with money in marriage is not as simple as you may think. So really talk about this one before you say you’re I Dos.

Family:

Guys, I saved this one for last because wow do I have a lot to say. This one right here is a big one, I mean with hands on my chest. Oh, it’s the worst one! This is the big one! I’m dying! You heard that, Elizabeth? I’m coming to join you, honey! ” Fred Sanford.

LOL, I’m having a little fun there, but really, I want to talk about this because. A family can make or break a family. Wow, did I just say that? A family can make or break a family! How does that work? First and foremost, let me state unequivocally that I love my family to the moon and back. Family, on the other hand, can occasionally get in the way of a happy marriage, particularly in the early years.

Keep your family out of it!

Have you ever been upset with your spouse and enlisted the help of another family member? How did it turn out for you? I’ve done it before, and it wasn’t pretty. What I am trying to say is when you get married it is to be cherished and shared between you and your spouse. Another thing, you don’t want your loved ones not to love the person you love. Right! This is simply what happens when you bring someone else into your marriage.

Your spouse is now your family.

Guys, this is quite difficult for me to discuss since I never want to upset anyone in my family. However, there were several occasions when I prioritized my parents and siblings over my husband.

I used to do things that put my husband last when I first got married. Regardless of what my husband said. If my parents asked me to leave the house or do something for them, I would. I ignored him and didn’t treat him as if he were a member of my family.

The bible teaches that when you marry someone, you become one with them. After marriage, the two individuals no longer exist as separate entities, but as one entity, one couple. This rings so true to me and I had to work on it.  I truly wish back then that I had known it wouldn’t be so simple. I had to accept that my parents and siblings would always be my family and that I had now added another member to this family. My husband once felt like an outsider, as if he didn’t matter, and I didn’t like it. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly shifted my thinking and became more conscious of how to incorporate my husband into our family. I had to accept that he was as much a member of my family as they were.

My focus has shifted from me to us.

This transition was difficult because I adored my parents and siblings and would do anything for them. So whenever Mark mentioned them, I would seriously bite his head off. Furthermore, we would argue almost all day as a result of it. Friends have you and your spouse ever argued over family? I know I’m not the only one. Anyway, remorse was one of the reasons I was so eager to prioritize my parents and family when I first married. Yes, guilt had gotten the best of me at the time. Because I married so young, I felt as if I had abandoned my parents and that they were grieving the loss of me. I put the blame on Mark. Crazy, huh?

Discuss your spouse with other family members in a positive light.

When I say it’s so important to speak positively about your spouse around other family members. This is true a hundred times over. Stay true to each other and don’t let anyone else get in the way.

I bring this up because it hurts when your in-laws don’t accept you and assume the worst of you. I can say I love my in-laws dearly. We have the best relationship. My sister-in-law is like a sister to me. We talk almost every day.

My husband and my sister are close as well. Mark calls my sister “little sis.” So when I say it’s important to have that in your marriage, it is. My brothers absolutely love Mark, and one of the reasons is that I never speak negatively about him. If I spoke negatively about Mark to my brothers, well, let’s just say they may want to hurt him. My brothers love their sister. So, remember that family is important and that when you marry, your spouse will become a member of your family as well.

Conclusion

I hope you’re having a good time counting down the next 30 years with me. I didn’t realize I had so much to write until I finished each topic in this post. I’m hoping to find some more for this year’s wedding anniversary countdown.

Friends, I wish I had known it wasn’t going to be so easy. I’m so glad I was able to learn it alongside the man I love. All of this is to say that I adore my husband and that all of the hardships have been well worth it. I’m simply writing to let you know that there will be things you wish you knew before getting married. However, unconditional love can get you through anything, and I emphasize the word “unconditional love.”

If you want to read about other marriage-related topics, I’ve included a few links for you to click on below. Remember when we discussed sharing, sleeping, money, and family? Here are some other links you might be interested in.

• What Does ‘Shared Meaning’ in a Marriage Mean?
• Getting married? Understand the financial implications first
• Marriage and Family
• Follow along with me: Countdown to 30 Years of Marriage

Until the next time

xoxo

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